Intimidated

After the Christmas rush in buying gifts when I came home, I quickly turned on the laptop and checked for updates. Eventually, I still can’t get my 5 free paperbacks from createspace. One, they won’t accept my manuscript because the royalty thingy was named after my sister and not me. So I have to inform them that I approve for my sister to have my incomes if ever I got to sell my book. And guess what? I still have to wait a day to get there response; either a Yes or a No. Two, I am not that confident anymore about my manuscript. I mean, first of all, who would want to trust a 16-year-old kid who wrote a rushed-story in four days? Most would think it’s full of crap and that’s what brings me down. Second of all, I still have this bugging feeling inside me that I didn’t write it well enough. I want to re-write the 243-page story.

And you know what? To intimidate me even more, my silliness encouraged me to skim through this website about literary agents. I’ve heard that you have a better chance of being known when you have a literary agent plus, they arrange interviews and tours for you. Sweet deal, huh? Again, I am underage and I don’t have a job yet so I can’t pay for a literary agent, luckily, the payment is if ever I sell a book. I can’t wait for the royalty check. ^_^ but then again, reading about creating a query for a literary agent and how big of percentage I may be rejected took the spirits out of me—yet again.

See, I know writers should have this mental preparation for rejections. But this is my first time, okay? And it’ll be hard for an easily-moved-and-sentimental teenage kid like me to accept rejection no matter how optimistic I try to be. Though coincidence or not, when my mom bought me my medicine, there’s this little paper attached to it. Written on it was; “ACCEPT YOUR MISTAKES. Mistakes teach us precious, rare lessons that can’t be acquired by success. Be willing to take new direction in life. Accept and face the reality and move on with life." -MD ROBINSON

The last line bothered me a little. If accepting reality means facing the cruelty in this world and knowing that there are soldiers out there not coming home for Christmas, then I guess I’d prefer to live in fantasy where everything is possible and fairies just say 'bibitty-bobitty-boo' to grant a wish. Though that’s a little sidetracked from the quote. Mistakes teach us precious, rare lessons that can’t be acquired by success. Well, you learn from your mistakes and experience is the best teacher. I believe that when you don’t commit a mistake, then you’re not succeeding at all. I guess I should start building up that courage in revising again my manuscript and trying to create a query letter and then finally, submit one. All I need is a little motivation, a little push, and a  little support from—whoever you are. Be rejected? I’ll try my hardest to accept it and move on to another rejection. I guess I’ll just find a thousand ways to be rejected and then discover the right one to be accepted. [Rings a bell? ;)] Though in every mistake or rejection, I’ll do better every next time.

Happy Holidays! Rejections, I am armed for you!